sometimes i think i may be smitten.

as a forewarning, this is a fairly long blog. i'm not really sure why i wrote it. i guess i just was thinking and wanted to document said thoughts. i'm sorry if, in the blog, i ramble or don't really make a point.

i mean, it seems to me like people assume that they will find the one they love and that loves them back, they will get married and they'll live happily ever after. i don't know that it's very likely that everyone on Earth, or even a majority of them, or even a third of them, will find that person. that person may not even exist.

of course, there is the whole destiny thing. or fate, or a higher power that ordains the future, or what have you. maybe each person is fated to find [or not find, whatever the case may be] the aforementioned soul mate. maybe it's not up to luck or chance or determination on the part of each person. maybe there's nothing we can do about it, and everyone's life is planned out to cross paths with that special someone so everyone has the chance to have a wonderful, loving relationship and that's where effort by each person has an effect. or maybe some people are fated to not have that chance to meet their one true love because they have some calling in life other than marriage, such as becoming a priest or something. i don't know.

i'm not saying i don't believe in love. i definitely do. it's definitely one of my favourite things ever. for instance, here's an anecdote of sorts:

i say that i'm in love with a girl named erin. just so you know, i'm not married to her, nor have i ever been her boyfriend. it's just that i'm in love with my friend and i haven't been able to get enough of her for the last year or two. even if i don't marry her, even if we never are a couple, even if i never see her again after today, i will forever treasure the time i've spent with her. if for some reason i had to pick my favourite six months that i've experienced in my life so far, i would definitely choose these last six months. they've been totally amazing. i've been happier in these last six months than i had previously imagined. the rest of my life, i don't necessarily want to trade for other experiences, but i don't want to NOT trade them. they're good, but not good enough that i'd rather have them than anything else. the time since i've met erin, though, i absolutely wouldn't trade for anything. i love her so much, and she's so very wonderful, and she's made me so happy. i can't even find words to describe how she makes me feel. she's so very amazing. i seriously want to marry her someday [not yet, though. even though i have absolutely no problem with spending everyday of the rest of my life from this point on with her, i recognise that marriage is a very large step to be making and i have so much going in my life right now that it would not be very smart to make a commitment like that and take on that responsibility amongst everything else happening to me right now], and i love it that i've met her this early in life. i find it hard to believe that i just happened to be born in the same city as her, that i just happened to go to kindergarten with her, that i just happened to join the youth group of a church she attended as a child, that i just happened to plan on going to the same college as her, that i just happened to be in three of the same classes as her junior year. but it happened. i love it that the impossible happens in the world everyday. if you think about it, if no fate or destiny or pre-ordination or whatever was involved, at the beginning of time, the chances of me, exactly as i am right now, sitting in the exact chair i'm sitting in, typing these exact words, at this exact moment, were next to nothing at all. but it's happening. the probability that one of my parents' three children would be autistic, for instance, was unbelievable higher than the probability of this moment happening exactly the way it is, but the more impossible one happened. i don't understand it, and i love it. and i love it that i've found a person that i love so much this early in life, in spite of the improbability of it all.

i sincerely hope that everyone in the world is as happy with someone else as i am with erin. i definitely believe there is someone out there for everyone. maybe not so much in the soul mates sense, but definitely in some way. i think, maybe, for everyone without a different purpose, there is more than one right person for everybody on Earth, so as to account for the randomnesses and eccentricities of the world. i don't think everyone will find the person and/or calling meant for them, but i do believe that there definitely is a person and/or calling for them to find, if they work for it. i think God wants us to find said purpose and subsequently created it for us, but i think it's up to each individual to take advantage of the opportunities when they arise.

and ps: by think, i mean know, and by sometimes, i mean pretty much every single second of my life.