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suicide
September 2009 
a disconcerting letter.
Posted on Nov 13th, 2008
by 
Orange is the New "I Love You"
Orange is the New "I Love You"
i really don't know what to do about a relationship i have with a really good friend.
almost two weeks ago, he told me, almost casually, in a letter, that he thinks about suicide at least twice a week, because he hates who he is, especially compared to who i am.
i very rarely ever think of myself as cool, and i really don't think i'm a good person to be jealous of, but he thinks i'm cooler [and "less bad," he wrote in the letter] than him and he is really jealous of me sometimes. he said that i always steal the spotlight from him, and i always do cooler and better things than him, and everyone likes me better "and should."
until recently, i never thought that my friend would think of commiting suicide. he's a huge fan of To Write Love On Her Arms, "a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide" if you look on their website, and he listens to a lot of really sad music, and he spends a lot of time alone, but i do all of those things, too, and i've never once thought of suicide. we have so very much in common, and i really did not expect that we'd have such a huge difference.
basically, i don't know what to do, and i feel awful not knowing how to help and knowing that i am, in a way, a cause of his thoughts of suicide.
do you have any advice?
almost two weeks ago, he told me, almost casually, in a letter, that he thinks about suicide at least twice a week, because he hates who he is, especially compared to who i am.
i very rarely ever think of myself as cool, and i really don't think i'm a good person to be jealous of, but he thinks i'm cooler [and "less bad," he wrote in the letter] than him and he is really jealous of me sometimes. he said that i always steal the spotlight from him, and i always do cooler and better things than him, and everyone likes me better "and should."
until recently, i never thought that my friend would think of commiting suicide. he's a huge fan of To Write Love On Her Arms, "a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide" if you look on their website, and he listens to a lot of really sad music, and he spends a lot of time alone, but i do all of those things, too, and i've never once thought of suicide. we have so very much in common, and i really did not expect that we'd have such a huge difference.
basically, i don't know what to do, and i feel awful not knowing how to help and knowing that i am, in a way, a cause of his thoughts of suicide.
do you have any advice?
Access: PublicTagged with: suicide
Everyone has their own gifts and talents. Your friend just hasn't found his yet, or at least hasn't found their worth. Help him realize his abilities. Find something that he's really good at, maybe something that you're not good at, but he excels in. And try to be as honest as possible. Don't exaggerate, saying that you are absolutely awful at something, when you really aren't. He'll notice it and won't believe you.
I have a cousin who's almost like your friend. She compares her piano talents to mine all the time and tells me that I play “sooooo much better” than her. The difference between us, however, is that she actually teaches piano while I just play it. I bring that difference up whenever she starts saying how bad she plays compared to me. She can't argue against it. I also point out that she has amazing artwork while my abilities limit me to stick figures (sadly), she has great thoughts on a situation that would never even cross my mind, and I point out other talents that she has. I tell her that I'm bad at lots of things, but she is really good at those things that I'm bad at! She then feels a lot better because she realizes just how much she is worth. (and she is worth A LOT.)
If he continues to argue that you're a lot better than him, then it's time to put your words into action. If you're playing on a team, pass him the ball more often so he will gain more attention for his skills. If you're around friends, let him be the one to carry the majority of the conversation so that others can hear what great things he has to say. You may not be intending to attract all the attention, but really try to step back and be the shadow this time. Because, not only do you have to convince HIM how awesome he is, but you convince others as well!
I really hope this helps. I can imagine being in both your positions. It's tough. Good luck! I'll be praying for you. :)
-Eunice
thank you, Eunice, for your advice, i think it will help.
unfortunately about that last paragraph, i'm a much more reclusive, timid person than him, so he's always doing most of the talking in any convos we're both a part of. sometimes it seems like i already may as well not be there since i play such a small part, so i don't really know how to take a step back.
and thanks so much for praying for me.
also, i'm definitely really glad i sent that friend-invite-message-thing today. thanks for everything!
that's one thing you can point out to him already! :) you can say he has great topics for conversations, he is the more bold while you are the more timid (which isn't a bad thing, by the way).