everything.

today's here, and that's amazing,

and it's raining and i love the rain,

and i'm secretly working on a graphic novel that, up until today, absolutely no one but me knew about,

and today i gave a speech arguing that school uniforms is "just like the nazis making jews wear stars" and everyone realised how ridiculous it was,

and mikki's awesome and i'm so happy for her and nick,

and i'm so pumped for boblit and nat, i can hardly wait for there wedding... i'll probably cry.

there are lots of good things about today.

i really don't know what to do about a relationship i have with a really good friend.

almost two weeks ago, he told me, almost casually, in a letter, that he thinks about suicide at least twice a week, because he hates who he is, especially compared to who i am.

i very rarely ever think of myself as cool, and i really don't think i'm a good person to be jealous of, but he thinks i'm cooler [and "less bad," he wrote in the letter] than him and he is really jealous of me sometimes. he said that i always steal the spotlight from him, and i always do cooler and better things than him, and everyone likes me better "and should."

until recently, i never thought that my friend would think of commiting suicide. he's a huge fan of To Write Love On Her Arms, "a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide" if you look on their website, and he listens to a lot of really sad music, and he spends a lot of time alone, but i do all of those things, too, and i've never once thought of suicide. we have so very much in common, and i really did not expect that we'd have such a huge difference.

basically, i don't know what to do, and i feel awful not knowing how to help and knowing that i am, in a way, a cause of his thoughts of suicide.

do you have any advice?

i think that when one's father comes home after a weekend away, he shouldn't be yelled at.

i think that when a daughter asks her mother if anything has been planned for dinner or if she should make her own at eight oclock at nite, her mother should not get angry at her for putting the responsibility on her to feed her fully capable daughter.

i think that if someone is clearly having trouble doing something, his or her family members should offer to help rather than yell at the person for not getting the thing done.

i think that no child should have parents who make them feel like a failure.

i think that no one should feel so lame in comparison to their friends that they're jealous to the extent of hating who they are and thinking of suicide.

i think that parents should be willing to help their children pay for college if they're able.

i think that it should be easier for homosexual people to come out to their friends and family.

i think that more Christians should realise that religion is more about love than anything else.

i think that people should be able to look past the stigma that's automatically associated with various groups.

i think that more people should realise that Catholics are Chrisians, too.

i think that more people should listen to music and read books and watch films and look at art.

i think that things should be just a little bit easier.

lately, writing music.

i've spent most of today working on songs for a Christmas compilation cd for me and my brother's record label. it's gonna be amazing.

my band, Sleeves on Sunburns, is going to have three songs on it:
       O Holy Nite - me singing and playing the acoustic guitar
       Song for a Friend - again, me singing with an acoustic guitar
       another, as yet unnamed song that i'm not finished writing- me singing with    
                     acoustic guitar and piano accompaniment.
then, my brother's band, Rebel the Fox, which i'm also in, has a bunch of songs on it, including two original songs for which i wrote the guitar parts.

until recently, i didn't know any chords, but now, i've learned like eight in the last week or so, and it's awesome.

also, my so far unnamed Christmas song is sooo very Christmasy, it's incredible. plus, it includes a reading from the book of Matthew where it talks about the birth of Jesus and then the song changes into "Holy, Holy, Holy." it's great and i think it's gonna be like nine minutes long.

and our record label just had a recording session/Christmas party yesterday, and it was so much fun. we recorded like ten songs and consumed many Christmas treats.

being a musician is fun.